I honestly don’t know what to write. This could end up incoherent. But I haven’t written anything for you all in a while and I am sorry for that. I’ve just been busy…
Well, here goes nothing.
So earlier on I just randomly decided to read through some of my posts, granted there aren’t many but that’s not the point.
Anyways I scrolled right back to my first post, My Story. Reading it brought back memories, some good some bad. I remembered my time at school and some of the Sunflowers that made the time enjoyable and of course I remembered al the bad things that happened years ago….now normally that would have left me in a dark place and I would have ultimately self harmed. I’m pleased to say I didn’t – In fact I haven’t harmed (via lighter/cutting etc) for about 3/4 months which I am so pleased about. I do still suffer from Pica but I have come to accept that it will never go away, I’ve been doing it for far too long.
Now the past few months have been mad, health wise, emotionally, mentally – you get the idea, but I’ve thrown myself into life, I don’t know why but I just did. I’ve thrown myself more fully into my job (I’m an IT Apprentice) which I really enjoy, it can be stressful at times but hey, so can everything else! You’ve just got to take it on the chin. I’ve been on more trips to the theatre with some close friends who have in fact been in a much worse state than me. Being with them makes me see how far I’ve come and enables me to, in turn, help them even more.
I just feel so much happier in myself, its bizarre but I really like it. I feel different. I don’t know what brought it on but I really feel better. So looking back at that story I wrote 6 months ago about events that happened a year ago seem like a distant memory.
Don’t get me wrong there are still hard, dark days but I feel stronger. I feel like I can kick some ass and be who I truly am.
I have my little car (still haven’t passed my test yet!) but we’re hoping that I could be ready for my test in February which would be amazing if it happened. Freedom woo! Saying that I’m not really restricted in where I go but I do feel like a pain having to ask the parents to take me places or relying on the horrible thing called public transport.
I get on with my family so much better, normally me and my mum couldn’t be alone together for 10 minutes without a row but now we sit and chat, paint our nails, watch movies – its actually quite fun
I just felt I should share some of the feelings I’ve been having over the past few months.
I hope now this really is the beginning of a new era.
I love you all, thank you so much for the support.
Remember you can drop me a mail whenever you like – I’m always here for you guys (email@example.com)
All the best for the new year – you can be who you like. It’s a new chapter 🙂
I will do my best to post more now guys – thanks for sticking with me
~ The Listener xxx